#hes like... so defeated. in his interactions with him. it doesnt feel resentful

[majimaisms]

if you view majima as immune to resentment how would you go about classifying his relationship to sagawa? i think it’s obviously multi-faceted, but i would still say there’s resentment thrown into that mix at least with my thought process 🤔

i am actually fascinated by majima's lack of resentment towards sagawa. his final scene with him was such a contrast to how i expected him to behave. like really? youre not gonna spit in this guy's face?? he literally thanks him and clearly still has respect for him. and i was baffled by this for a long time but i've been able to make sense of it by realizing majima doesn't take things *personally*

even throughout the game, as much as he can't stand sagawa, i don't think he's quite... resentful. here's the definition im working with to be clear

like he does get annoyed or frustrated but i think he still ultimately holds himself responsible for all the shit sagawa is putting him through. because as far as he's concerned, he signed up for it the moment he disobeyed shimano in '85. he knew what the consequences would be, so he has no room to complain. so he doesn't actually perceive any of it as unfair treatment. there's no indignation there

i have no doubt that he deeply dislikes the man, i just don't think he like. simmers in this feeling the way most people would. he's already over it by the end of the game. and it's because he's way past giving a shit about himself in any way. he doesn't hold grudges like that because to do that you have to have some emotional attachment to your own wellbeing. so you can get mad at injustice being done to you. and he literally doesn't. majima never complains about unfair treatment because he simply does not perceive anything as such, and he never shifts responsibility or blame. he takes it all on himself

[tea-and-la]

Aang as Zuko’s “Found-Sibling”

so i kind of alluded to it on my previous post but if zuko sees his relationship with any of the gaang as a foil to his sibling relationship with azula, it’s aang. 

in the season 1 finale, zuko compares the two directly:

zuko:  I finally have you, but I can't get you home because of this blizzard. There's always something. Not that you would understand. You're like my sister. Everything always came easy to her. She's a Firebending prodigy, and everyone adores her. My father says she was born lucky. He says I was lucky to be born. I don't need luck, though. I don't want it. I've always had to struggle and fight and that's made me strong. It's made me who I am.

here zuko makes a lot of assumptions. he is implying that because aang is a prodigy like azula, everything must come easy for him. we as the audience know this isn’t true (he doesn’t know aang’s background at this point), but it does speak to his insecurities in terms of his sister (foreshadowing to his season 2 interactions with azula.) 

contrast that quote with what zuko says to katara in the season 1 finale:

zuko: you rise with the moon, i rise with the sun.

he sees katara as evenly skilled as himself. a match, but with opposite bending elements. and that’s even reflected in the way that katara wins their match at night, but zuko wins their fight when it’s day time.

zuko (especially in season 1) sees azula as superior to him, someone who he’ll never catch up to in skill because she’s a prodigy. in contrast, he’s seen katara when she first started to bend and made mistakes (barely able to form a water whip, and the time she accidentally froze sokka). zuko has seen and acknowledged her growth throughout the show and he sees her as someone who has also had to struggle and work hard to get to her current bending capacity.

and like @sokkastyles​ already said: 

Aang is the younger prodigy who he resents for being better than him in the beginning, the one who is imbued with power and authority by birth that he lacks, the “lucky” one.

continuing on, i wanna talk about crossroads of destiny. the zk scene again emphasizes how similar zuko sees katara to himself (not azula.)

he is calm, open, and vulnerable throughout these scene with katara. he almost allows himself to forget they’re on opposite sides because of how much they have in common. but once aang comes in:

there’s that same anger and resentment he has towards azula. 

i’ve seen some people refer to the crossroads of destiny as zuko some hidden meaning of choosing between “sisters,” but i disagree. it’s framed as a decision between azula and aang, and for zuko, it’s supposed to be an impossible choice. 

so we see him go after aang with an uncontrolled intensity that is so different from the brief peace he was able to achieve with iroh in ba sing se. and it’s easy to imagine that this is because he’s taking his frustration that he can’t express towards azula, out on aang, as a substitute. 

we see lingering bits of zuko’s resentment towards aang, even after he joins the gaang. it’s unintentional, but from the firebending masters, we can see how he initially still holds onto that insecurity a bit.

when he initially realizes he lost his firebending he tries the forms over and over, while aang is just chilling:

aang: that one felt kinda hot

zuko: don’t patronize me!

aang: sorry sifu hotman

zuko: and stop calling me that!

even though aang was being genuine, it’s easy to imagine that zuko is connecting this moment back to times with azula growing up. especially because we know how much his ability to fire bend is tied up into his self worth. 

he’s given the chance to “prove” himself by teaching someone who he considers superior in skill to himself (aang, just off virtue of being the avatar), and when he fails, that rears up the resentment again. 

but then, their dynamic shifts after zuko admits he doesn’t want to rely on hate and anger anymore. zuko has several moments where he encourages aang (who he was previously resentful towards) because he sees that aang needs it. he’s able to realize that aang isn’t a prodigy in the sense that he thinks he’s superior to anyone else. and he’s also able to see that aang has his own insecurities as well, as they get to know each other more on their trip. he has phrases like: 

zuko: you can do it. i know you can. you’re a strong kid.

aang: [Turning to Zuko.] We could turn back now. We've already learned more about fire than we'd hoped. [Aang shows Zuko his flame and gives a weak smile.]

zuko: No, we're seeing this through to the end.

and aang’s face as a result: 

so in a sense, zuko is able to be needed as a big brother. and to offer support because aang is unsure about himself. 

also this scene reeks of sibling energy:

but anyways, i think aang/zuko’s found-sibling relationship foils azula/zuko’s sibling relationship because even though they start off with resentment for similar reasons, his dynamic with aang changes.

i see people say that the reason they think katara is zuko’s “surrogate sibling” is because she provides him with care and kindness, unlike azula. the same could be said about aang.

whereas azula has made it clear that she doesn’t respect zuko’s bending, aang values and respects zuko for his skills (even when he was struggling at the beginning of the firebending masters.) aang is able to reciprocally affirm zuko as well:

aang: i don’t care what everyone else says about you. you’re pretty smart!

i also find the last few lines after they meet with the dragons to be significant:

zuko: That's why my firebending was so weak before. Because for so many years, hunting you [Turns toward Aang as screen zooms out to show Aang.] was my drive ... it was my purpose. [Aang turns toward Zuko as well.] So when I joined you, I lost sight of my inner fire. But now, I have a new drive. [Cut to Zuko's face as screen zooms in.] I have to help you defeat my father and restore balance to the world.

i’d like to think that part of losing/letting go of his anger/resentment in part was because of the new relationship he was able to build with aang. in a sense, he’s able to repair a “pseudo-sibling” relationship with a found-sibling who willingly accepts him. 

i love that they’re address their confidence issues regarding firebending together. 

and how, when they rushed to show the rest of the gaang after they returned:

aang: [Cut to Aang and Zuko demonstrating the Dancing Dragon to the rest of Team Avatar and friends.] With this technique the dragons showed us, Zuko and I will be unstoppable.

zuko has gained a found-sibling relationship that isn’t about comparing their firebending to each other, but working as a team. it’s so so meaningful that aang says “zuko and i.” the idea of zuko having a sibling relationship where he’s able to share his love of firebending and not feel insecure about it ...🥺. him having a “sibling” who wants to hang out with him and do things together and gushes about it with the confidence that aang had when he said they would be unstoppable. 

oh! not to mention that i’ve seen people say that zuko/katara have a sibling relationship because she teases him in EIP. but like .. that’s such flimsy logic. and also? aang and zuko have their mutual teasing moments especially in the firebending masters, and it’s just adorable. 

anyways, my main point from all this is that ik people love to say zuko/katara fit surrogate siblings (which i hate btw), but it’s mostly said because of katara/azula’s similar age. it doesnt matter that aang is 12, though, because honestly, he fits the “found-sibling” dynamic a lot better because of how zuko used to see aang in relation to azula. it just works better thematically. especially, because like i’ve said, and as so many people in fandom point out: zuko and katara are similar (some people... antis.. would say “too” similar). and when has zuko ever seen azula as being similar to himself? exactly. 

[transvamp]

i legit feel like p5 has one of the most mischaracterized casts i have ever fucking seen in any piece of media like say what you will about the characters but so many people seem to forget that what brings the thieves together in the first place is their shared experience of trauma and how each character's specific trauma impacts the way they interact with each other and strangers. like ryuji specifically gets me because he isn't always nice to people! he rarely starts shit unprompted, but he's quick to anger and reacting hostilely if he perceives himself or one of his friends being disrespected or outright attacked. honestly ryuji's anger issues are the most apparent out of all the thieves but a lot of people who like him ignore that and people who dislike him use that against him which i think both takes are completely unfair to his character. having anger issues as a trauma response is not a moral failing and it feels like in the way people engage with ryuji and the p5 cast as a whole are stunted by that belief. where persona 5's strengths lie to me is in the fact it fundamentally is a revenge narrative that is clearly angry and resentful, but because of the writers not fully utilizing that strength and making a mess of their own narrative and themes a lot of people came out of p5 somehow missing that the key to understanding every phantom thief (+ akechi and sumire) is understanding that they are traumatized teenagers first and foremost. and i dont mean that in an infantilizing way, i mean that if you want to actually engage with the cast past their surface level personality types that the fanbase has latched onto you have to engage with the fact that the entire main cast has been emotionally, physically, financially, and/or systemically abused by the adults in their lives. and to ignore those facts and not examine how those traumas impact the way they behave does a disservice and imo completely waters down what makes p5 special in my opinion. there may be plenty of works of art about revenge but personally i've yet to see any aside from p5 that fundamentally frame revenge as cathartic and a step towards recovery. the theme of revenge in most works i've consumed almost always boils down to 'revenge will not fulfill you and will leave you just as broken as you started', which is a fair lesson but when you are an angry and abused teenager that message can get fucking tiring and what you really need is to see characters in the same situation as you defeating their abuser and making them regret hurting them. im not gonna act like persona 5 is a perfect work of art or that it doesnt have flaws (because fucking trust me i know there are flaws) but i feel like a lot of the way people engage with it completely ignores what makes art like p5 important for people

[sahmtam]

Stay at home parent.

These are my thoughts because I dont have anywhere else to put them. I found out i was pregnant in January of 2018, i was 22. Beforehand i didnt want kids yet and my boyfriend didnt want kids at all at the time, but he was great and respected my wishes in not being able to go through with an abortion. I had a super easy oregnanct, no morning sickness only heartburn through the whole time. My boyfriend and I struggled, i struggled with my body imagine and the inevitable weight gain i would experience (ive always had fears of gaining weight). So my pregnancy physically was easy peasy, but my pregnancy mentally snf emotionally was tested every single day.

I gave birth October 3rd, 2018 at 12:57 am, surrounded by my family and his, Seth was perfect weighing 7lbs and was 19.5 in long. We stayed in the hospital for 3 days to monitor seth because labor progressed so quick I couldnt get the antibotics I needed for him. Prior i hadnt slept for 2 days because of contractions then this little human came into the world with a possibility of getting infections so I literally couldnt keep my eyes off him. Constantly making sure hes breathing unable to sleep in fear that something was going to happen to him while i was asleep. So I didnt sleep for almost 4 days straight, if I did it was with my eyes open.

My boyfriend struggled, he LOVES his sleep whenever he got a chance he was sleeping in the hospital. I get it though if I'm not sleeping why not get some time in? 3 days pass and no infection so we're cleared to go home. Go home to a mess because labor was just intense and nothing was able to get done during that time. The doctor said "you are to do NOTHING but sleep, feed and love your baby for 10 days". That 100% did NOT happen, the house has to get cleaned somehow, right ? Sleep deprived, i still have to do what I have to do.

Thats when the stay at home motherhood kicked in. My boyfriend got a week leave from work because it was a newer job and he hadnt been there long enough to have a full paid leave. It was ALL me, learning the little things about a new born. Trying to learn what his different cries meant, changing every diaper and worrying about of hes pooping enough, bathing him and loving him, all while keeping up on the house and laundry (i don't know how people with multiple kids do it).

The emotional roller coaster a woman goes through after birth is SO intense. Feeling like you cant ask for help when it's needed because you feel like you should be BUILT for this and it should all magically fall into place as soon as your baby comes into the world. You should be able tk juggle, you should be able to change a diaper and bathe your baby and do a back flip into the kitchen and finish the dishes WHILE cooming dinner. And when you CANT ? Its the end of the world at least it was for me, the feeling if defeat because I am not a super mom when my son has only been home for 2 weeks.

The adjustement of having your time not be your own, the resentment of your partner because they get to interact with adults all day that can voice their problems and communicate normally. But also being thankful that you are able to stay home and raise your baby. You cant pick up and do whatever you want. I didnt leave my house to go grocery shopping with my baby because I was terrified of my son getting measles or just plain getting sick while hes so small and fragile. Everyone asked how my son was doing, he was doing great ! But im falling apart. I cant take a shower without rushing because in my mind I can hear him crying. No matter how many kids everyone has raised i did not trust them with mine, nothing against them but they just arent me.

My son is 10 months old now. He can crawl, amd get himself into standing with a little bit of help, he can give you kisses when you ask for them and he'll give you 3 in a row even when you just asked for one. He loves being tickled and he always wants to play with your phone. I LOVE HIM TO PIECES. Being a stay at home mom is NOT easy, my job is 24 hours a day 7 days a week, I dont get vacation time or sick days, the show much go on. Every bump, every feeding, every diaper change, everytime he needs someone, every time i leave he cries. He looks for his mama.

Who am I other than a mom ? I have no idea. What arr my interests ? What are my hobbies ? I don't gave any. Ive been trying for months to set up someone to watch my son so that my boyfriend and I can have a date, something always makes that impossible. Yet I'm the only one who is ever TRYING. I NEED to feel like a person outside of being a mom, i need to feel like a grown up and that Im still attractive, funny and have all the qualities i did before i had a baby. My boyfriend didnt want kids, ever. And i still feel like he doesnt want kids. Sometimes i feel like hes only here because he doesnt want to be "that guy". If he was with the right person he wouldnt have a problem trying to plan a might out with just me.

No matter how im feeling, no matter how hard it is I STILL get up every single day and do it. Sometimes i feel like quitting because I cant handle the fact that im a mother and housewife at 23. But then as soon as my son goes to bed i miss him, i know I could never be without him. The mom guilt is real and it is HARD.

Being a parent is HARD, being a stay at home parent is HARD, being a working parent is HARD.

This post is probably ALL over the place, but being able to get my feelings out there without bothering anyone else is the ultimate goal.